How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
