He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
