Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
