**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
