Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
