so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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