Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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