i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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