Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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