with your own penis?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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