Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
operation harelip BJ is a go
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
