i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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