dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
