He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
