Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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