That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
