I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
