I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
