the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
