you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
