Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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