What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
