i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
