You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize