Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize