im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
