i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
