I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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