So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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