dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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