someone get that fucking seahorse.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
