Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
