Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
