I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
