How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
But break dance skills will only take you so far
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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