now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
