my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
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