Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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