like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
