S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
