Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
