I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize