I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
