I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
