i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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