He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
