my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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