This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He shit in the fireplace
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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