no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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