i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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