why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize