I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
