And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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