And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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