she was so not down for the gang bang
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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