We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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