i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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