I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
