i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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