Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
