i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
