i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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