I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
