saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
