turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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