My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize