recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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