do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
