When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
