Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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