Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
