Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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