highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
