Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
