I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
