Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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