Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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