My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
