hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
