would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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