normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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