The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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