The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize