I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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