why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
