If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
