Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
