She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
