if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
