so explain again why im purple
no
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize