I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
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