I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
