There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
