i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
