I cannot find my penis.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
