Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
