im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
