So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
