Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
