The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
