I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
