I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
