My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Where is the hickey?
someone owes me an orgasm
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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