you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize