oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
