You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
